Hierarchy of Football Season

The following rules must be observed at all times, in descending order of importance.

1. Root for the Steelers

If the Steelers aren't playing,

2. Root against the Browns

If the Steelers or Browns aren't playing,

3. Root against the Ravens

If the Steelers, Browns or Ravens aren't playing

4. Root against the Patriots

If none of the above are playing,

5. Root for the team playing the AFC North team.

If none of the above are playing,

6. Root for the AFC team. No one likes the NFC.

If it's only two NFC teams playing, just root for Tom Brady to break his toe on the way to his morning shower. It will happen sooner or later anyway, and might as well let it roll before the playoffs heat up.